


The Reluctant Confession

by BookshopLaura



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-13 01:39:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2132247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BookshopLaura/pseuds/BookshopLaura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin goes missing and Arthur worries</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

When Merlin didn't turn up to wake Arthur in the morning he was annoyed. When he didn't appear to serve him lunch, Arthur was angry and by the time dinner came around he was livid. He stabbed at his food with his fork as if it was the beef's fault that Merlin wasn't here. But prodding his meal didn't make his servant materialise. The next morning came and went and the anger was joined with a new feeling. Worry. Was Merlin in trouble, was he upset? Had Arthur said something so terrible that Merlin had up and left without a word. He couldn't think of anything. Their last conversation had been discussing what Arthur was planning to do about Morgana, currently holed up in some mountain fortress miles away. Merlin had seemed a little tense, but not upset. Another day, and then another and still no news. By now Arthur was getting frantic. Gaius had said he thought Merlin might have gone to visit his mother. But unannounced? Besides, Ealdor is not so far away. Another two days and he sends a search party. They find no sign of him between Camelot and Ealdor and Hunith has not seen him. Any last shred of anger falls away as Arthur's mind fills with all of the dreadful possibilities.

It's been two weeks and three days now. And today has seen the return of what will be the last search party. Led by the knights, who are all fond of Merlin, they have searched most of the town and the surrounding villages. Short of going into every house and looking in every cupboard and under every bed, Arthur doesn't know what else to do. He even sent a small search party into the forest, but the forest is vast and with Morgana threatening and watching, he can't afford to send his entire retinue of knights to scour an almost limitless forest. As much as his heart desperately wants him to. He sits in the meeting to hear what he has heard after every search, even those he was involved in. No news, no sign. Leon looks sombre and upset. Gwaine behind him looks gutted. Rubbing his thumb over his ring, Arthur tries not to show how badly the news is hitting him. Every fibre of his being wants to carry on this search. But instead he thanks them for their effort and quickly excuses himself. 

When he enters his room all he wants is to lie down on his bed and cry forever. He's lost his best friend. The person he cares most about in the entire world. He's weary with the two weeks of worry and despair and barely has the energy to un-clip his cloak from around his shoulders, when he hears the gentle click of the door behind him being closed.

"Yes?" he says wearily. For a moment there is no reply. Frowning, he turns around slowly. But then his heart is beating five times faster because Merlin has returned and is just standing there as if he has appeared out of the air. Arthur is frozen in shock for just a second.

"Where the hell have you been!" he demands, as soon as he is able to speak again. Merlin hangs his head and starts fiddling with the cuff of his jacket. 

"I... I'm sorry I'm late, I..." he's tilting his head that way he does as if he's trying to play it off as nothing. 

"It's been over two weeks Merlin!"

"I know, I'm sorry..." his voice is low and quiet. 

"Well, go on then. Where were you?" continues Arthur. 

"I went to visit my mother. She's been ill and..." says Merlin, eyes downcast, a rather stilted smile pinned to his face.

"No you didn't." says Arthur darkly.

"What?" asks Merlin, eyes darting up. There's an element of fear in them. And they're hollower than usual, sunken in, as are his cheeks. And he keeps fiddling with his cuff, except he's kind of rubbing around his wrists through the material and none of this is adding up. 

"You didn't visit your mother. I visited your mother. She's worried sick, she had no idea where you were. Now tell me the truth. Where were you?" Arthur's voice is low and steady. But there's a hint of anger, because he has spent over two weeks in agony and now Merlin doesn't even have the decency to tell him the truth. Merlin's eyes dart up again and then again. His mouth has opened but no words are coming out. He glances down and away and then up again. Arthur's brow unforrows a little.

"Merlin? Merlin, you can tell me." Merlin's brow draws together at that, his already frequent blinking increasing and his breathing deepening. Arthur steps forwards and Merlin pulls back just a little.

"Merlin, please tell me."

"I... I can't. You'll hate me." it's barely above a whisper. Merlin's biting his lip and it's crinkles where he's trying so hard not to cry. Arthur steps forward again, and cups Merlin's face with his hand, making Merlin look him in the eye.

"I promise..."

"Don't. Because you will. Please, Arthur. Please just leave it."

"You expect me to just forget the fact that you disappeared to God knows where for two and half weeks and come back looking like hell and you won't tell me where you've been or what happened?" Arthur's really angry, until Merlin finally summons up the courage to meet his eyes for more than a second. He's not just afraid, he's petrified. At some point Arthur's hands have dropped to rest tentatively by Merlin's elbows, and he can feel the way that Merlin is shaking. 

"Merlin, please." he says quietly. "Please trust me." Merlin studies him a little longer, and then his face seems to contort and Arthur can see he's trying, forcing himself to try and say what he's so afraid of letting out. He scrunches his eyes closed and his hands come up to mirror Arthur's, balling in the material of Arthur's shirt. He looks like he's in pain. And Arthur can't help noticing the marks left by shackles on his wrists. Just as he's glancing up, a horrified look on his face, Merlin forces his eyes open again to look at Arthur. 

"I have magic."


	2. Chapter 2

Arthur's brow furrows, and for a moment he just looks at Merlin. He's clinging on to the material of Arthur's jacket like a vice. Arthur's immediate reaction is to try to throw him off, he's just admitted to Arthur that he has magic. He's dangerous, a sorcerer and a traitor. He's betrayed Arthur, lied to him from the beginning. But something, maybe shock, makes Arthur pause and look down at where Merlin's hands cling to him, white knuckled, like clinging to Arthur's shirt will help. The marks around his wrists look terrible, two thick cuts on each wrist, infected in at least a couple of places. When Arthur looks up, his own hands now awkwardly barely touching Merlin's face now. Merlin's eyes are sunken, his eyes still wide in panic, verging on something else. Arthur notices a red mark on his cheek too, the remnants of a bruise. He doesn't realise he's stroking the mark until Merlin says

"Arthur, say something."

Arthur pauses.

"What do you want me to say?" he says looking up at Merlin.

"You betrayed me, you lied to me." He feels a tear roll onto his thumb. He can feel Merlin shaking beneath his hand.

"You're a sorcerer, you're everything I should hate." 

Merlin's eyes register the word, then his head drops as his hands loosen and drop from Arthur's shirt. Arthur barely thinks before his own hand catches them, still frown. 

"What happened to your hands?" asks Arthur

"Doesn't matter..." says Merlin, quietly, tiredly. He doesn't look scared any more. Arthur could have him executed, could go and grab his sword, but Merlin isn't scared. He looks defeated. 

"It matters to me, you owe me the truth" says Arthur, rubbing his thumb over the marks on Merlin's wrists. Merlin jerks his hands in pain and Arthur pauses, looking up at Merlin. 

"I... I went... I heard Morgana was planning something, planning an assassination. Heard she was hiding out... in a fortress... I went to stop her, thought I could stop the assassin... I did, I did Arthur, but she caught me..." Merlin has started sobbing between words, not looking up, except at the 'I did'. 

"How did you escape?" asks Arthur, just watching Merlin.

"I used magic... but I couldn't at first. She had me in... chains, I couldn't undo them, had a spell on them I think... I don't think she realised I had magic... She had a druid put in them... when he disagreed with her... put me in normal chains." 

"And then you escaped?" asks Arthur. Merlin nods, still not looking up again.

"And why should I believe you?" asks Arthur quietly, still not letting go of Merlin's hand. Merlin shakes his head. 

"I don't know."

"How do I know that that wasn't more lies? Why did you tell me you're a sorcerer?" his voice is a little louder now.

"Because you asked me." 

"I asked you what happened to you. You were kidnapped. You didn't have to mention the magic, why did you?" 

"I was tired... of hiding from you... I thought you might..." Merlin is so quiet now.

"Thought I might what? Accept you?" Arthur's tone is jeering and ridiculous and it's only when Merlin's face finally crumples that he realises. His own heart drops. That's why Merlin looks defeated. Because he knows that he isn't. 

"You're a sorcerer" says Arthur. Merlin nods, chin wrinkling and goes to pull his hands away, but Arthur holds on which makes Merlin cry out in pain as the scab is pulled from a pussing wound. Merlin has given up trying not to cry now, and stands there, hands held out in front of him, sobbing.

"You're hurt." says Arthur. He guides Merlin onto a chair and then goes to dig out his own pot of the cream Gaius made that he keeps for training and battle wounds. He grabs a cloth and pours some of his wine over it before walking over to Merlin. Carefully he washes the cut, then rubs in the thick paste to help the infection. 

"Why are you doing this?" asks Merlin, his voice high and strained. 

"Because you're a sorcerer... and you're my friend" says Arthur.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I've done this in a tired haze so if it doesn't make sense please let me know and i'll review it.


End file.
